“What would people think?” is a refrain I heard often in my youth when I wanted to try something daring. And as much as I hate to admit it, that phrase still holds me back sometimes many years later.
I’m not the only one. Best selling author Brené Brown writes in her book Braving the Wilderness on her struggle with “what would people think?” too. “I used my pattern recognition skills to anticipate what people wanted, what they thought, or what they were doing. I learned how to say the right thing or show up in the right way. I became an expert fitter-in, a chameleon. And a very lonely stranger to myself.”
How we can work out of this type of thinking to emerge as unique individuals with gifts to give is one main emphasis her book. I liked Brown’s words of encouragement, and her own vulnerability in revealing how she broke through the “what would people think?” syndrome.
“Do not think you can be brave with your life and your work and never disappoint anyone. It doesn’t work that way.” She has this Oprah quote tacked to her office wall. So true.
Yet while we strive to be unique, displeasing some people at times, we all need community – the other main point of the book. “We want to be a part of something, but we need it to be real—not conditional or fake or constantly up for negotiation,” she writes.
I found value in Brown’s admonition to seek out community, even with those you disagree with, presenting your real self the whole time. “True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are; it requires you to be who you are,” she says.
I recommend Braving the Wilderness for those of you who ask themselves sometimes “what would people think?” (who doesn’t?). The book also encouraged me to express my real self in the communities I am a part of or hope to be a part of.
