I love to go on bike rides in the early morning to get my exercise, get out into nature, and listen to inspirational podcasts or music on my ipod. This week, though, when I was in one of my “calm within” bike ride states I got into trouble.
There’s one shady parking lot I always ride through twice on each ride. On this particular day I saw construction cones blocking the lot’s entrance, but I didn’t think twice about them. Then later I rode through the same lot again. This time a guy in a hard hat started yelling at me, “Hey you!! Stop!”
He went on to explain this was a construction area and I was not supposed to be there. “Didn’t you see the cones?”
“I’m sorry,” I replied. “Do you want me to go back? Or can I ride through? ” I said.
The gruff construction worker softened up. “You can go ahead and ride through,” he said, and I was on my way, promising to myself not to make the same mistake in the future.
I got to thinking about this little incident and how it was a lesson in boundaries for me:
1. Sometimes you violate a person’s boundaries but you don’t realize it. I didn’t think twice about riding past those construction cones as I was listening to music on my ipod. The first lesson for me was not to be so caught up in my own little world as to not to be aware of how I could be affecting others around me.
2. If you unintentionally violate a person’s boundaries and are called on it, apologize. When the construction worker informed me of my violation, my first instinct was to be defensive. I could have said, “oh aren’t those cones were meant to stop cars, not bikes?” (and I did have that thought) but I decided not to contest the issue. Instead I said I was sorry and asked permission as to how I should proceed. He immediately honored that, and softened.
3. You can be violating a person’s boundaries repeatedly and not know it, until they finally say something. I had rode through this section earlier in the morning with no problem. I also had rode through earlier in the week without incident. I imagine the construction worker reached his boiling point and finally said something. It was unintentional on my part. I think of times when people violate MY boundaries and I don’t say anything. Maybe it is better to let them know sooner rather than later.
I find so often in life the every day aggravations we experience really are boundary issues. Either I’m not respecting another person’s, or he/she is not respecting mine. From my bike ride incident I reminded myself to be more sensitive to other people’s boundaries in my life, and to be up front about my boundaries, too, when others cross my lines.
